What insurmountable trust would let me go to the crushing
What high destiny would challenge my will to not lean on my own understanding and surrender my control over failure?
Not letting go, is what kept me alive Lord! Or so I thought.
Keeping up appearances, though I knew You could always see right through me.
Failing to trust and obey. Failing to rest from my own vision of myself, my family, my goals and self supporting belief system.
I had to keep me. I had to keep others. Wasn't I responsible? Who else would? I had to trust me, at least I thought I should. But this vanity was a mirror of something my spirit could not comprehend. It was a monolith of pride.
You would not keep me from this relentless battle. This blind bowing to vanity's god. I waited for You to come to my rescue. I made resolutions as I waited. You were silent.
I failed! and You consistently let me go my way.
In this, my Lord, You executed your power and authority of loving intercession over me. In my darkest hours, no flesh and blood could deliver me from myself. You alone by Divine necessity performed Your priestly office over me. Interceding that this one thing might remain ___that my faith would not fail.
To let go of the "Image" of self is devastating Lord, a cross to heavy to bear alone. To lose the power of demonstration, of the motives of devotion and head knowledge. In this my faith had failed, because I knew I can't trust "Me".
My virtues do not give you praise. My honor does not justify the false faith and confidence I have had in the works that have brought me to my knees where the crimson flood of Calvary's blood bears me up where my own faith will not keep me.
This is Your Divine necessity and my destiny __ that in my failures you have let me go to experience the power of your resurrection power __ that I might manifest the life and light of Your faith in the power of keeping me, through the faithful answer of the Father to your interceding prayer __"Let not faith fail in my beloved."